A quest for Truth

I am searching for Truth in the world.
There is endless information available, but which of it is truth?
There is promising, hopeful toned rhetoric that I find idiotic.
There is scary, fearful warnings that, if accepted, destroy all that I place my strength and hope in.

What is Truth?
Can you guide me to it?
Will it make a difference if ever discovered?

What is Truth?
Can it be grasped, held tight?

Le Deluge

I stand expecting something immense.
I don't know why I expect its arrival.
I know this feeling writhing in my chest isn't fading.

I know not what comes.
But I know I must prepare.
Poised and anxious.
Confident but questioning.


Nearest I can picture:
I stand, a broad presentation, tense and feeling challenged, dared even.
I stand on The Cliff facing The Great Wave.


All I can say is, "Let's see what you've got. 'Do your worst, for I will do mine.'"
Après moi, le déluge.

Release

Last tidbit for the night.
In high school (when sleep didn't matter much and homework could be done in an hour the night before it was due) I would stay up late three or four nights a week either in self-contemplation or writing.

Every night seemed to start aimlessly and most seemed to end that way. Now, not having had that kind of time for over two years, I can truly see the benefit I received from simply staying up a few extra hours and pouring my head out onto paper (9 times out of 10 I was typing on a computer...eh, semantics).

I really miss the honesty I had with myself as I released the day's thoughts, worries, hopes and ponderments. Sometimes it flowed; sometimes it was a struggle to articulate everything I wanted to. Some weeks my first drafts, editing and final drafts would crystallize in the same evening; others would take over a month to solidify.

A fair amount about myself has changed in this time period, but I am just as frustrated and anxious and excited and depressed and pensive and concerned and full of ideas now as I was back when I wrote regularly. I am only slightly more mature.

The main difference between then and now is that it's been so long since I've formally expressed any of those things.
It all feels terribly pent up and it is becoming more frequently apparent in my interactions with and withdrawal from those I love.

All that to say I am now sure writing is something I need. No longer is it simply something I enjoy. That revelation comes with its own joys and burdens, positive and negative implications. I hope this blog becomes my outlet, that it fills that gap that has been slowly weighing me down more and more. The main benefactors being my own sanity, my family and perhaps you, the reader. I ask for help in the endeavor.

If that is accomplished, prepare thyself:
Après ceci, le déluge.

I want to be optimistic about our President, I really do

Today I found out our Commander-in-Chief, Barack Obama, has proposed billing the private insurance policies of our military service members for combat-related medical care. He wants to bill veterans' insurance companies to reimburse the Veterans' Administration in an effort to scrape up $540 million.

Why use the VA as a middle man? Why not command our soldiers to simply pay straight out-of-pocket? There's a hell of a budget cut for ya' ! Perhaps we could then divert the funds to the IRS to compensate for all of Obama's cabinet members' tax "indiscretions and oversights."

Justifiably so, our veterans (primarily via The American Legion) have expressed a rather strong opposition. In what is quickly becoming the President's apparent MO, Mr. Obama not only wants to make our soldiers pay for the wounds they volunteered to take protecting our nation, he criticizes them for turning attention to the wrong issue.

According to David Gorman, executive director of Disabled American Veterans, "... the president complained that instead of commending the significant budget increase for the VA -- an 11 percent increase in 2010 and $25 billion over five years -- the groups are complaining about [the private insurance] proposal. But Gorman said that the issue of third-party billing is fundamental to the VA and that it is a 'distraction' from discussing the budget increases."

Now, there is already plenty on the web regarding the cons of this proposal. I don't have the expertise, experience or foresight to even begin to touch on that.
All I wish to say is that the mere fact that President Obama even considered something like this completely blows away any hope I had of building faith in him.

His proposal has moral implications that go well beyond ANY possible budget savings/increase. It only reinforces the gut feeling I had a year ago that screamed to me "this man being in the Oval Office is a frightening possibility."

If by some ungodly act our Commander-in-Chief's ideas are made policy, I ask that a special provision be tacked on. If Obama sees this thing through I present that he be required to write a cover letter thanking our armed forces for their sacrifice, bravery and for protecting our nation and all that it represents, then reminding them to remit payment upon receipt of all medical services required as a result of injuries sustained in battle for the United States of America.

Oh, and it must be on official White House stationery adorned with his photograph and he must hand sign each and every one of them.

Let me know what you think.

Howdy, a first perspective

Read a quote today, can't remember who said it. I apologize.
"Brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us all how bad we want something."

In high school I would have read that and interpreted it only as a challenge to find and achieve new goals or dreams. Unbound and headstrong, I would have said the quote means all one has to do is want something and call within themselves the power to obtain it and it will be theirs.

I had run into almost nothing resembling a brick wall up to that point in my life.

Now, having not only run smack dab into a few brick walls but realizing that it was I who laid most of their foundations, I have a different perspective on the impact of the above thought. I believe my high school response still holds true for almost every person in America, but I don't believe that is what the quotee intended to reveal.

My present take on the quote is this:
Obstacles and difficult circumstances exist, not because of the active malevolence of any one entity, but as a result of living in a world where man is self-aware, free-willed, and lives a finite life on this terrestrial sphere. It is the perspective with which you chose to view those obstacles and their implications that governs the life you live. Therefore, you govern the life you live.

I now face many brick walls that impede my path to the things I believe I want. I face them carrying a heavy weight on my shoulders. Instead of being afraid of them I see those walls and feel that weight making the journey immeasurably more fulfilling and worthy.

I realize I speak from a highly privileged hilltop, I was born and raised in the United States of America, but I don't believe my perspective is the sole property of a given citizenry or a consequence of a nation's prosperity.

I believe it is an intrinsic characteristic and the unique potential of humanity.

*--I beg for criticism. Perspecitve is refined and expanded only when shown others'.